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Chinaman joke: Lee Ping lies dying and he summons the rest of the family. "Chuan are you here?" "Yes Father, too brury lite I am." The Ancient oriental asks for his daughter, "Chee wiz, are you here, my daughter?" The girl answers "Yes Papa, I am here." Finally the yellow gent asks, "Where my Wife, Ori noko?" I am here, oh, husband of mine." The woman wails. Then the near dead Chinaman says, "Who's minding the breedin' lestaurant, you sirry iriots!!"
Did you take the scissors out of the case before you cut my hair? If you don't serve me soon you are going to look funny walking around this shop with two broken legs?
Last time I saw something as ugly as you I put anchovies on it? You got twenty four hours to serve me a drink. Am I being served, no, but just dust me occasionally. Where is your manager or is he in suspended animation too? Is there a law against urinating in empty beer glasses? Waiter can I give you my osteopaths e-mail number? He will show you how to have that bolt removed from your neck. Oi,Lurch! Good Morning, can I interest you in the hope of eternal life? Because you
bloody well need it in order to get served here!
Hello, I suffer from Tourettes Syndrome a condition where the sufferer shouts obscenities at the TOP OF HIS f******* VOICE!!! (regain composure and start whispering) eerrmm, I'm sorry, but my hope is that you serve me sooNNNNNNNNN YOUR HAIRY***SED JUMPED UP TOSSPOT GET YOUR F****** SIZE NINES OVER F******** HERE BEFORE I F******** PUT YOUR LIGHTS OUT YOU DOZY F******(*)!
It works every time and there is a mental illness discovered by a french guy called Tourette who found out that a small percentage of people swear or scream expletives inappropriately or for no apparent reason because of a severe psychological problem. I THINK ITS A LOAD OF F****** BO****** IF YOU ASK ME!!
A guy walks into a pub in a pre-med gown and saline cradle wheeled behind him. He says "Give us a pint mate". The barman serves him and waits to be paid. "Mind you" the invalid says "I shouldn’t have this with what I have." The barman says "What's that then?" The very sick guy says ".... about twelve pence."
CHECK THESE SIGNS!
Spotted in a toilet at a London office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW read more
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