Neanderthals

Evolutionists have always been on a sticky wicket. It defies the principle of Entropy. Or the fact that life cannot spring from dead matter. Look in the mirror and notice that new wrinkle. We are all disintegrating. Gravity is pulling us faster and faster into the ground. That's why old people are bandy and stoop. Just because old people may have no grey hair because they refuse to admit to using 'Just for Men' does not mean they will live longer. Hair grows one centimetre every two months but is already dead on arrival (fact!) anyway! Permanent 'waves' just make sure it stays that way.

Everything, animal, vegetable and mineral is breaking down and rotting but it happens so slowly we don't notice. That's why you only get a five year warrantee against rust on Toyota cars. My gazebo is made of wood and after only ten years now looks like a rocket attack at Tenko.

What about weeds in the garden you say? They are invincible and come from horseshit or dying matter? Quite right. I'm talking about trillions of years ago before we ever reached our first organism. (Bloody spellchoker,spillcheeker I mean spitpicker, shitkicker.. Oh bugger it)

You see, in that first dense acidic but organic soup on this planet we are led to believe Darwinist bearded bastards, that their was some enormous bang that caused our earth to be born and as such fused matter with enormous pressure and so with the nebula compression of electrons and protons, amino acids formed the first building blocks of our existence. The amoeba was the beginnings of life. If you don't believe me look at example in the bottom of my fridge where you will see a whole civilisation being cultured.

The other scientific principle that our computer generated Dr Stephen Hawkins seems to forget (why can't he get a care assistant that knows how to use a comb?) That is, the principle of Inertia. That nothing moves of its own accord until it is met by a force to move it. So if everything around us. This computer or that rubber toy in the drawer. Even the toughest material known to man will dissolve. Synthetic or natural ores and elements like tungsten carbide, diamonds, and Peter Andre's washboard stomach will all corrode, erode and become decomposed.

It is a known pathological observation that obese people when they die putrefy much quicker than thin people. Why? Because they have a lot more water in their bodies. They have a lot more fat too, which is the reason why their body mass deteriorates more quickly. They are more 'soluble' than skinny people. What happens to an aspirin when it is added to water? It dissolves too. The same is true if you reverse the experiment and add the water to the aspirin. Once again the aspirin is quite happy until you have it immersed in water. That's why when people die in sunken submarines they just don't stand a chance. We are made up of 76% water. Fat people have a much bigger 76% though than the rest of us. That's why when they die they experience a faster mortification. That's why Cliff Richard is still alive and is in a competition with Des O'Connor to outlive each other.

When they bury Jordan for instance her tits will be the first to perish. But the silicon implants will probably outlast her teeth.

Think of teeth for a minute. They are the hardest substance the body can manufacture, BUT they only start to decay when the wearer is alive. When the toothfilled person dies they stay in great shape. The moral of this is to make it your own quest to commit suicide before oral decay and avoid any expensive and painful major dental treatment.
Mummification is a procedure that indigenous peoples over thousand of years have used as a process to preserve some sense of immortality. This points to a very basic denial that humans have suffered over thousands of years. That they cannot accept death. The final inevitability alludes us. I mean lets look at people who are on death row for a second. If they die by lethal injection why do they still have to have the needle sterilised? To stop them getting a little rash later on? I don't think so.

Evolutionists always talk in zeros. Why can't they be more precise with their radio carbon dating? Why can't the Triassic period be twenty hundred and eleven million years, four hundred and fourteen thousand, sixty nine hundred and eighty, three hundred and thirteen years, four months and ten and a quarter weeks ago on a Tuesday at eight fifteen p.m, during a leap year and it was raining in between volcanic eruptions, light to variable winds?

That scruffy Cornish bloke on' Timeteam' who loves to dig holes and by the state of him will not come out of one soon, always says "Look, its a paarrrttt!" A 'pot' that is. He scrabbles about in the shit tearing up out greenbelt with JCB's to make a telly programme about broken crockery. All the "Geo-fizz" in the world won't convince me that we need more museums full of old shite. No wonder they don't charge to get in. When my 'in-laws' dragged me to one in Cambridge her Father had to keep moving in case he was put in a glass case himself.

Once again this is all part of our refusal to face the future because we would rather rely on the 'known' than the unknown.'Time team' will have to find somewhere stay else to stay. Appently they came to my hometown onceto get some 'geo-fizz' (or 'Tizer' to you and me) and some accommodation and the 'digs' are lousy.

Back to Charles Darwin's book, the 'Origin of the Species'. He contends as many other professors of the subject that we arrived here as homosapiens today by 'natural selection'. I oppose this with all the contempt of having to pay bank charges when my agreed bank facility creeps over and I have to send the acrimonious letter or their 'demand' back with "ARSEHOLES" written in my wife's lipstick at 45 degrees across it . The article above bears out my suspicions. That is, while we can adapt and change certain physical features to cope with our environment we cannot 'jump' species. Eskimos have ice-trays now instead of having to make them from scratch. But my point is Eskimos will not adapt right away with Western Europeans without getting to know them first. We can only hope that one or the other won't 'break it off'. But that's the extreme temperature for you. A horse can only remain a horse and with all the zeros in the known universe with 'assic' tagged on the end of an 'age' can we expect a transition of species? A cat will never become a dog. A chicken will never become an otter etc. Likewise a monkey will always be a monkey. This is why we never here much from Lee Evans these days.

Do you realise that that in the frugal fossil collection that supports evolution (they will only fill one coffin) that Zinjanthropus or the supposed "missing link" had three personas that were so starkly different it caused an ethical conflict of giant proportions. The head and jaw shape was extremely different in all cases. What does that tell us? Well, that monkeys are all considered ugly until you see their butt. We all love them until they reverse up to the camera.

Surely God was having an off day when he created their arses. It's like he had an eplileptic fit while he was painting by numbers.

There are monkeys today that have survived by 'natural selection' alongside so-called 'cousins' i.e Homosapiens. So why did some not survive and others not? The theory says that survival was for only a few certain species and the abiding genepool had to flourish in order for the weaker not to dilute it.

So what does 'natural selection' have to do with humans destroying the habitat of not just primates but the thousands of other species? Nothing natural about that. The reason we have monkeys now is becuase of their skill in pissing into paper cups. Drinking it, and then spitting it over people who force you to be dragged around zoos.

Thirty four things you didn't know about monkeys

Some monkeys are very intelligent. Some see know evil and others will not want to hear it either. The primates I am interested in, is the ones that do not speak any evil. Others just copy eachother in a 'Monkey see Monkey do" scenario. Builders who quote too high may want to try and 'make a monkey out of you' but don't let them interfere with nature. The closest we get to monkeys is when we go 'ape' gibbon half a chance. This is called 'guerilla warfare'. Other grillers can be bought from garden centres that sell gas barbecues. A homosexual monkey is called a Chimp Pansy. A 'bouncer' is an Orang Utan with no neck. When they threaten you, tell them that if they don't fuck off you will cut down all the trees so they won't get home.

Prince Charles is the nearest to a chimp with ears like a taxi with the doors left open. He is not a monkey but part of a monarchy which is close enough. 'Monkey business' is their 'bottom squeeze'. To get into a monastery you may need a Monk key. A "Monkey barge" is a horse drawn canal barge and not anything to do with American 'monkey' football. To "fight like a monkey and a parrot" is an American expression phrased in the late 19c of no fucking significance whatsoever. A "monkey drill" is used for "Monkey bait". A drug users syringe and what it is filled with. A narcotic of some sort that will "have a monkey on its back" or an expression meaning to get 'loaded'. "Monkey jumps" are the jitters or when an addict twitches for need of a fix. "Monkey medicine" is morphine.

These examples reflect how human colloquialisms seem to be sadly quite derogatory about our primates. That monkeys are all about drug abuse. It's hard to believ that this all started thirty years ago from British TV commercials that showed monkeys dressed as humans drinking large amounts of tea.
Yet a "monkey board" is the stepping board on a London bus where the conductor stands. Not very complimentary to the conductor unless of course he is already "Monkey Jesus" meaning Baboon ugly.

A frankfurter is known as a "Monkey dick" and tastes quite different.
Prison meatballs are called "Monkey nuts" but that has to do with a lot of men being locked in rooms together for an extraordinary long time and may have something to do with "spanking the Monkey" too.
A "monkeys tail" is a cockney term for a jemmy or crowbar. That's just for openers.
A "monkey on a stick" is a very thin person with jerky movements or Joan Rivers who has the spinechilling resemblance to one of those half starved lab marmosets that has already been exposed to too many cosmetics tried on it already.
"Brass monkeys" involve plumbers walking around with welding gear in cold weather.

The seventies cult classic series of films called "Planet of the Apes" depicted our earth dominated by monkeys. Featuring stars like Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowell. Roddy McDowell was the one in the disguise.
A "monkey suit" is a man's dress jacket and not to be confused with a "Monkeys uncle". A mild oath.
"Well, I'll be a monkeys uncle!" is an exclamation never to be heard again because in the early eighties a queer sailor shagged the African Green Monkey and started the A.I.D.s virus.

Proving the bibles Genesis account. "...and God created every living thing that moveth upon the ground according to their kind."
Note "according to their kind" Knobbing monkeys has got sod all to do with 'natural selection'. More "unnatural selection"
Or Romans 1:27 "..men leaving the natural use of their bodies and working what was obscene receiving within themselves their full recompense"
This was directed at gay people back then, because Moses who wrote the 'Pentateuch' or first five books of the Bible never 'came out ' about Aaron, but if it wasn't for same sex couples we wouldn't have male boutiques, Doctor Martins and Graham Norton.

Gay or straight? Who gives a 'monkeys'.

Anyway. Next time I want to talk about where exactly we came from. The clue today is: Corn circles. Or as I refer to them "galactically modified crops".

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All content on this site is subject to copyright © 2000/2006
If you wish to use anything either text or graphics please ask permission