Youth & Midlife

Question. Is it considered middle age when man thinks that in a week or two he'll feel as good as ever? (Contributed by Don Marquis)
Dr Farquar. Middle age is when you grunt to pick anything off the floor and you no longer need a watch because your bladder tells you what time it is.

Q. If all the teenagers who slept in class were laid end to end do you think they'd be a lot more comfortable? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. Who can tell the difference?

Q. Do fathers of teens these days think their kids are interested in becoming astronauts? After all isn't that the only reason for them sitting around at home taking up space? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. Quite right and by causing an atmosphere and others wondering what planet they are on.

Q. Isn't middle age when work is a lot less fun and fun is a lot more work? (Contributed by Maurizio Mariotti)
Dr F. Middle age is when sex with a young woman means you know what to do but you don't know where to start.

Q. Didn't you know that the youth of today aren't really afraid of hard work? Isn't it their inordinate fear of getting tired that makes them such slackers? (Contributed by Jim Moore Jr.)
Dr F. If they worked as hard as their fingers do on a Playstation they might find a use for their legs.

Q. A recent study said that people are enjoying middle age now. Does that mean that we can't look forward to a midlife crisis? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. This cruel episode in out lives is when good looking girls offer you a seat on the bus and wipe your mouth as you start to dribble.

Q. Isn't it a sign that your kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick and your son starts to wipe it off? (Contributed by Rodney & Cathy's Joke List)
Dr F. The end of youth starts with three months in rehab and skipping the vacation to pay for the abortion.

Q. Is middle age the time when it takes longer to rest than it does to get tired? (Contributed by Joe)
Dr F. Yes. It is also the time when if your wife wants to 'slip into something more comfortable' you can bet it's a coma.

Q. How come when you finally get time for a midlife crisis, you never have the energy for it? (Contributed by Mike Bellah)
Dr F. But at least you can put your socks on with a stick.

Q. At what age do you go from being disrespectful to your elders, to being someone who thinks 'the young people today show no respect'? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. This 'window', can be vague and usually occurs during a mugging.

Q. Isn't middle-age when the broadness of your mind and the narrowness of your waist change places? (Contributed by Self-Worth.com)
Dr F. Very true. It is also marked with references of disgust from your children when you are caught having sex with their Mother.

Q. Why is it that when the kids are dating, they are never home, but as soon as they get married, you can't get rid of them? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Supportive family network means spending all weekend mending things you have not broken and paying for other peoples phonecalls.

Q. How come the only time anyone ever wants to go out with you is when you're taken? (Contributed by Aaron Packnick)
Dr F. Do you mean being 'raptured', passing away, falling ill, getting raped, kidnapped, or abducted by aliens? Or do you mean enslaved by marriage? Because it's all the same to me.

Q. Is there anything more satisfying than seeing your children cope with teenagers of their own? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Bliss. But not if they are all still teenagers while this is happening.

Q. If life truly begins at 40, then at the age of 46, are you not entitled to periodically act like a 6 year old? (Contributed by MykeMyk)
Dr F. Regression is a natural route after forty. At forty six though as with a six year old you realise when you accidentally piss yourself.

Q. Aren't grandchildren your reward for putting up with your own children when they were teenagers? (Contributed by The Vent on AccessAtlanta.com)
Dr F. Grand parents were not only invented as slightly more brittle climbing frames for grand children but to be used as lethal kissing machines in order to get your kids to do as they are told.

Q. How come it's only the mothers of teens who know why some animals eat their young? (Contributed by Charlie Giggle)
Dr F. Loving children does not make them edible unless you are a sick pedophile.

Q. Isn't adolescence the age when children try to bring up their parents? (Contributed by JoLene
Dr F. No, it's when your kids put you up for adoption.

Q. How come teenage babysitters act like adults while the adults are out acting like teenagers? (Contributed by J.J.)
Dr F. The difference is that the babysitter is more likely to get sex than the adults.

Q. Isn't an adolescent a person who acts like a baby when not treated like an adult? (Contributed by J.J.)
Dr F. No, that is called a husband.

Q. Why is it that setting an example for your children always seems to take the fun out of middle age? (Contributed by William Feather)
Dr F. Saddam Hussein set an example, and just look at the fun he had.

Q. Do you think it ever occurs to teenagers that the day will come when they'll know as little as their parents? (Contributed by Rodney & Cathy's Joke List)
Dr F. It depends how good parents are at doing their homework.

Q. If a young person is behaving in an immature way, is that person having a junior moment? (Contributed by KCJ)
Dr F. Kids are senile. They forget where they put everything. Forget to clean their bottoms properly and think that they can get free money for doing nothing.

Q. How come when you finally get your head together, your body starts to come apart? (Contributed by Ray)
Dr F. Of course. Our bodies like our cars and planes have 'crush zones' and are designed to disintegrate on impact. That's why middle aged people prefer a good hot meal instead of sex.

Q. Why are some people over fifty years old straight out of the middle ages?
Dr F. Because they wear clothes that don't fit them, treat their wives like peasants and start packing electric nose trimmers on Saga holidays.

Q. If 4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum then does the fifth one recommend pure sugar gum? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. No. This is a fallacy. The fifth dentist already wears dentures.

Q. Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. When will they get the hang of it?

Q. If looks aren't everything why are plastic surgeons so busy? (Contributed by Don F.)
Dr F. They have to keep moving in case they melt in the sun.

Q. Doctors practice medicine and lawyers practice law. Don't you think they should have to know what they're doing before they take money for it? When they're done practising and turn pro then they could get paid. (Contributed by Catfish Jones)
Dr F. Hey, hair salons ask for models for stylists to practise on, what's the difference?

Q. If doctors are knowing more and more about less and less when will they know Everything about Nothing? (Contributed by FMS)
Dr F. These are already called consultants.

Q. Is a Gynaecologist simply a doctor who was too short to be a brain surgeon? (Contributed by Alex Petty)
Dr F. There is nothing wrong with trying to keep your hand in.

Q. Why do all doctors have trouble walking? They must since they all have a medical staff don't they? (Contributed by J.J.)
Dr F. If they are short of staff then I can understand the previous question.

Q. Why do doctors ask "What seems to be the problem today"? They're the doctor! Shouldn't they be telling us? (Contributed by Tooner)
Dr F. A car mechanic is not psychic. They will only give a diagnosis if they are sure they can't fix your motor.

Q. Why do so many male psychologists and psychiatrists wear beards? What are they trying to hide? (Contributed by Richard Rhodes)
Dr F. That they are men trapped in a women's body.

Q. Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? (Contributed by Erik Freeman)
Dr F. Only when they use Factor VIII.

Q. Shouldn't your family doctor be called a family director? After all they direct you from one specialist to another don't they? (Contributed by Jim Adams)
Dr F. Being referred is an admission that your Doctor needs to play some golf.

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All content on this site is subject to copyright © 2000/2006
If you wish to use anything either text or graphics please ask permission