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Perry & Terry’s Homemade Recipes for Success.

example

Homemade Pesticide

Ingredients

1 child’s remote control car

3 meters of knicker elastic

1 jar of Maple syrup

1 garden pond

Method:

When plagued with ants in the kitchen steal your kid’s remote control car and smother it with maple syrup. Allow the colony to ‘arrive for their last supper’ Now, attach your knicker elastic to rear of toy car and the other end to your left foot. Go outside into the garden carrying the sticky and infested car and place on ground at a safe distance from the pond. Point in direction of fish pond and accelerate at full speed.
 
Result:

The ants will drown knowing you mean business and never return. Maple syrup is cheaper and less dangerous to pets. The toy car can be retrieved with the knicker elastic. The car can be licked dry by local vagrants found at ‘hole in the wall’ machines. Place the knicker elastic back in your neighbours’ underwear discreetly on their washing line while it hangs out to dry.

Warning: Don’t replace knicker elastic while your neighbours wearing her knickers. More importantly, do not try to smuggle the stretchy material back in the frilly hem if her husband is wearing them. At least he not hurting anybody or experimenting with dangerous substances. He just needs some cognitive therapy and hormone treatment and presto, he is just another innocent and harmless deviant.


The same can be done to eradicate other pests. Like your child’s “Now That’s What I Call Music,” CD or cats that piss on your lawn.

Health and safety:

Make sure your are standing nearer to the pond than the length of knicker elastic, as a shorter length will cause the car to catapult backwards, before it reaches the pond and land a direct hit to your nuts.

Find out in the next issue of “Perry & Terry’s Recipes for Success”, how to make your own in-car refreshment using a sunroof and a heavily pregnant woman.

Come back and visit us again soon!

Perry & Terry