Barbie and Ken. Will sex spoil the Enigma? (It usually does)

Waning toy icon and stereotyped doll, and her Boyfriend, have come to life again, in the biggest Toy department sleaze scandal, since manufacturers decided, it would be a good idea, to produce dolls, with full landing gear. Ken’s new fully formed genitalia is growing in popularity and sweeping a Korean toy factory floor.

Spokesman against the concept of dolls with ‘twiddly bits’ faced manufacturers and the ‘Toys‘R’ Us’, toy giant, Reverend Trevor Abacus, says of the decision, to make Barbie and Ken more lifelike..

“Well, it spells trouble. Kids everywhere will want to try out their toys appendages for curiosity value. What’s next? Cosmetic surgery on Barbie? What if Ken tires of her only slightly less frigid, and semi-flexible body? Should we start to sell, ‘Gay Ken’ dolls and make it possible for him to have penetrative sex with Action man?

Below Left: How Ken may look when he dumps her for Action Man

Upper right: How Barbie will look if she fancies a ‘Tuppence’ instead

Below: Action Man in S&M pose but unavailable for comment last night.

One Barbie who went too far with ‘leg opening’ frolics.

Worried parents everywhere who have already bought the randy latex figures have noticed that they have walked into their children’s bedrooms and there eyes have met images more like a miniature Pornographic film set.

Ken and his flexible friend.

Early Learning Centre, retail manager, Cindy Willitt made her comments known on local radio.

“For years we have encouraged children to buy toys mimicking death dealing weapons that kill people in their wildest imagination. Guns, swords and spears are sold with no thought of the threat to a child’s sense of right or wrong. I believe this is a breakthrough for sex education at an early age. After all, Ken is quite well equipped and, probably would satisfy Barbie with the new specifications. It’s a beast, by all accounts, and looking forward to its new home. Compared to my husband, he’s a Colossus!”

Health and safety executive have insisted on a warning label with the product, that it has as its message,

“Warning: Handle with care. Ken’s penis might have your eye out”.

With the instructions comes a series of images to help the children to interact with their new sexy toys. (below)

Barbie, ‘turning the tables’ on Ken?

A chord can be pulled from his back during the throes of orgasm with verbal responses to add a touch of realism.

Ken says things like: “Whose the Daddy?” “Call me filthy names.” “Who put sand in the Vaseline?”

Women, in the village of Grunty fen in Cambridgeshire, deep in the harsh and exposed backwaters, of East Anglia, found the concept of Ken and Barbie ‘actually doing it’, ‘simply outrageous’.

Martha Timkins voiced her own opinion when our reporter caught up with her campaign to ban sex between children’s toys. Leader of the project “Keep our Toys Sinless” and still visibly upset about toy producers, she announced to a Ghastly newsman, in a press statement,

“It’s disgraceful. I used to have a shoebox and piece of string, as a kid, to play with. If I wanted to know about sex and babies, my older brother would teach me, or I would experiment with healthy home-grown organic root vegetables. Filthy practices between plastic toys, should be kept in the trunk, where they belong.”

Should Barbie like ‘real’ girl icons, Britney spears and Charlotte Church, leave her ‘twirl of the skirt and a flash of the eye’ to become become a tramp? Can Ken trust her anymore, now she has shown her true colours, and a damned sight more?

Barbie flaunts her new image with her Mum yesterday,
shopping in downtown Los Angeles.

1969 Barbie ‘Butter wouldn’t Melt?’ 2005 Barbie “Give me Mr wiggles..”