Wacko Jacko Re-invents Himself Again.

‘Half man Half implant’ pop pervert, Michael Jackson has caused his personal plastic surgeon, concerns over his patients paedophile behaviour, in an interview yesterday. However, the stars scheduled and state of the art ‘nip and tuck’ went ahead as planned on Friday.

Mr Jackson’s latest bout of cosmetic surgery had more than the associated diagnosed post op problems.

Dr Anthony Hobart, who performed the corrective procedure to graft Jackson’s penis, to what’s left of his nose, failed in the first leg of this mind boggling, surgical procedure.  On the operating table, at Jackson’s purpose-built clinic, one of Mr Jackson’s ears fell off, at a crucial stage. As it cart-wheeled across the theatre floor, a student technician, thought it was a field mouse, and stamped on it, rendering it useless. While Jackson succumbed to anaesthetic, Hobart took the decision, to use Jackson’s tiny penis, and graft it somewhere, in the middle of Jackson’s face. The ‘skin collateral’ was not enough to serve on a cocktail stick, let alone, replicate a nose, and so was discarded along with his severed ear. With an emergency combination of laser microsurgery, and brute force, Dr Hobart, took Jackson’s left elbow instead, and stitched it, with accompanying blood vessels, to the vacant area.

After the revolutionary 12 hour medical triumph, the award winning surgeon, from Michigan, ‘while I still have his ass on this table’, also removed the performers big toe, and transplanted it, in between his legs, to substitute his appendage.  Hobart, then proceeded to take the X-idols, scrotum, filling it, with ‘Never Never Land MagicAngelDustGlitterShinyBits’ and with great dexterity, implanted the giant ‘ball-bag’ now eleven times its original size, on to Mr Jackson’s back.

The world renowned Dr Hobart who started his career as a dock welder, had practised this technique on several celebrities.

‘Face like a bag of spanners’, Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber, was more than satisfied with this cutting edge technology, and said. “You think I’m ugly now? You should have seen me before I met Dr Hobart. I looked like my face was set on fire, and then put out with shovel. No Lie. Like a constipated bulldog licking piss off a nettle.”

As he masked up for the operation, Hobart smiled, and told me, “Don’t worry, pal. Children will like the new look Michael. I’ll make sure, the dirty little bastard won’t mess around with ‘em again. The only time he will get his cock out again is if he needs a pedicure.”

Three weeks after the operation, the bandages came off, and Mr Jackson was shown a mirror. He whispered, “I have got the face I want. A regular unmade bed. It’s always ‘Touch and Go’ with this kind of thing.…speaking of which… why don’t you bring your kids over? I love slumber parties…and they should see what I have for a ‘wiener’ now.”