Countdown to Carol Vorderman’s Government Post

Carol jumping for joy at the news

Brainy TV presenter and the thinking man’s ‘crumpet’ Carol Vorderman looks set to be tipped as the next shadow chancellor at Westminster.

Hailed by her Tory peers as the ‘ideal number cruncher’ for Britain’s economy projects a threat to the historic and future accomplishments of Gordon Brown, under New labour.

Carol said yesterday, “Gordon has done well, but only because he got a free promotional Sudoko. Without my handy product he would have to take his shoes off, to count.”

A vehement Gordon Brown spat back, “What? Give a quizmasters’ assistant a chance to run this country’s economy, and what do think will happen? She will end up on Richard and Judy more times than me, and that is undeniable!”

“I’ll thump her…. if she steals my job.”

An, angry chancellor, yesterday.

(above) Carols’ nerdy, ‘brainbox gizmo’

Freebie she gave to Chancellor Brown. Sudoko.

Brown, first mistook it, for a mobile phone and tried to use it, naively to phone Tony Blair, to see if he had come up with anymore intelligence from MI5. It was decided by Mr Brown that they, and Blair, were all as thick as shit anyway, without having to make the call.

Her hero? The man with the loud ties and ‘bummy’ grin in Carol’s view was a tough act to follow.

She still misses working with the late Richard Whiteley. The Countdown hostess had a particularly close relationship with the tubby punster, and loved to ‘groan’ at his poorly delivered and overused ‘oneliners’.

“Dickie was great fun. He had an uncanny bent on ironic wordplay. It went with the job in Countdown I guess. Woman loved him. He always had a smile for them. He would always let me doodle equations on his bare chest. As a maths expert I soon found out I could count on him.”

When asked they were ever more than a game show duo? She said, coyly, to our Ghastly reporter,

“Off-screen, he was a playboy, and to be frank, I knew of his extra curricular bedroom frolics. Hence, the nickname ‘Twice Nightly Whiteley’. He was good with figures in more ways than one, but we were just great friends, apart from when he got drunk and he dropped his trousers on a live episode of ‘Countdown’, to try and put me off my sums. Luckily, the camera just panned away, and caught my expression. If his ‘wedding tackle’ was any calculation, it would more likely be long division, or a four stage loge rhythm. He was real practical joker and had a knob like a babies arm holding an apple.”

Carol shows her admiration on air, at the moment

Whiteley exposed himself, as part of a sexy prank.

The two chums were rumoured to have had steamy liaisons, fuelled by too many Port Brandies, and games of ‘Killer Scrabble’.

“Richard was a bit of a bed hopper. He loved to ‘wine and dine’, beautiful women and then get them into bed. Hang on!? His name , in fact, as an anagram, is “WEALTHY RICH RIDE”. Coincidentally.”

Our Ghastly reporter asked Carol if she could think up, and write down, five hundred more anagrams of the same,…. inside thirty seconds. She accepted the challenge and did achieve this, with twelve seconds to spare.

Here they are.

citywide herr hal	whiteley richard	whiteley rich dar	whiteley arch rid	whiteley char rid
whiteley carr hid	withheld cray ire	withheld icy rare	withheld icy rear	withheld ray eric
withheld ray rice	withheld rye rica	wreathed cyril hi	wreathed lyric hi	herewith cyril ad
herewith lyric ad	herewith clay rid	herewith lacy rid	herewith cray lid	herewith idly arc
herewith idly car	herewith icy lard	herewith cry dali	herewith cry dial	herewith cry laid
whitely richer ad	whitely carder hi	whitely chair red	whitely erich dar	whitely reich dar
whitely reach rid	whitely acrid her	whitely dirac her	whitely crier had	whitely racer hid
whitely rich dare	whitely rich dear	whitely rich read	whitely rich ad re	whitely arch dire
whitely char dire	whitely char reid	whitely char ride	whitely arch reid	whitely arch ride
whitely acid herr	whitely card heir	whitely card hire	whitely card hi re	whitely rica herd
whitely eric hard	whitely rice hard	whitely carr hide	whitely carr hi de	whitely carr hi ed
whitely arc hired	whitely car hired	whitely arc hid re	whitely car hid re	whitely arc hi red
whitely car hi red	whitely arc he rid	whitely car he rid	wealthy erich rid	whatley erich rid
whatley reich rid	wealthy reich rid	wealthy crier hid	whatley crier hid	wealthy rich dire
whatley rich dire	whatley rich reid	whatley rich ride	wealthy rich reid	wealthy rich ride
weirdly thrice ah	weirdly thrice ha	weirdly thrace hi	weirdly hitch are	weirdly hitch ear
weirdly hitch era	weirdly hitch rae	weirdly chair the	weirdly erich hat	weirdly reich hat
weirdly hatch ire	weirdly reach hit	weirdly chit hare	weirdly itch hare	weirdly itch hear
weirdly itch hera	weirdly itch rhea	weirdly chit hear	weirdly chit hera	weirdly chit rhea
weirdly chit ah re	weirdly itch ah re	weirdly itch ha re	weirdly chit ha re	weirdly rich hate
weirdly rich heat	weirdly rich thea	weirdly rich ah et	weirdly rich ha et	weirdly rich he at
weirdly chat heir	weirdly chat hire	weirdly chat hi re	weirdly etch hair	weirdly arch hi et
weirdly char hi et	weirdly arch he it	weirdly char he it	weirdly cart hi he	weirdly act her hi
weirdly cat her hi	weirdly arc hit he	weirdly car hit he	weirdly arc the hi	weirdly car the hi
wearily ditch her	wearily hitch red	wearily retch hid	wearily chit herd	wearily itch herd
welcher riyadh it	welcher dairy hit	welcher diary hit	welcher tidy hair	welcher yard hi it
welcher hay rid it	welcher dry haiti	welcher try hi aid	welcher try hi ida	welcher ray hid it
wichita redly her	wichita lyre herd	wichita rely herd	watcher hirey lid	watcher riley hid
watcher idly heir	watcher idly hire	watcher idly hi re	watcher ely hi rid	watcher dry hi eli
watcher dry hi lie	watcher rye hi lid	wildcat hirey her	wildcat hey hirer	wildcat hey hi err
wildcat rye her hi	crawled hirey hit	crawled rye hit hi	crawler hyde hi it	crawler tidy hi he
crawler hey hid it	crawler dye hit hi	crawler yet hid hi	whirled richey at	whirled cathy ire
whirled carey hit	whirled hirey act	whirled hirey cat	whirled city hare	whirled city hear
whirled city hera	whirled city rhea	whirled city ah re	whirled city ha re	whirled cray hi et
whirled cray he it	whirled they rica	whirled airy etch	whirled year chit	whirled year itch
whirled icy earth	whirled icy hater	whirled icy heart	whirled icy hat re	whirled icy her at
whirled icy he art	whirled icy he rat	whirled icy he tar	whirled cry hi ate	whirled cry hi eat
whirled cry hi tea	whirled cry ah tie	whirled cry ha tie	whirled hey arc it	whirled hey car it
whirled try ice ah	whirled try ice ha	whirled try ace hi	whirled yet chair	whirled yet arc hi
whirled yet car hi	whirled ray ethic	whirled rye act hi	whirled rye cat hi	writhed richey al
writhed hirey lac	writhed clay heir	writhed lacy heir	writhed lacy hire	writhed clay hire
writhed clay hi re	writhed lacy hi re	writhed yale rich	writhed icy haler	writhed icy hal re
writhed icy her al	writhed cry hi ale	writhed cry ah eli	writhed cry ha eli	writhed cry ha lie
writhed cry ah lie	writhed cry he ail	writhed cry he ali	writhed hay relic	writhed lay erich
writhed lay reich	writhed ely chair	writhed ely arc hi	writhed ely car hi	writhed ray chile
writhed rye lac hi	weather cyril hid	weather lyric hid	weather idly rich	weather cry hi lid
weather dry chili	werther acidly hi	werther icy hid al	werther icy hi lad	werther icy ah lid
werther icy ha lid	werther day chili	whether cyril aid	whether lyric aid	whether lyric ida
whether cyril ida	whether idly rica	whether icy al rid	whether cry iliad	whether dry cilia
twirled richey ah	twirled richey ha	twirled cray hi he	twirled icy her ah	twirled icy her ha
twirled hay erich	twirled hay reich	twirled hey chair	twirled hey arc hi	twirled hey car hi
wielder cry hit ah	wielder cry hit ha	wielder cry hat hi	wielder ray hitch	leeward cry hit hi
twirler cady hi he	twirler icy had he	twirler hay chide	twirler hay dec hi	watered richly hi
rewrite hay child	hawley thrice rid	hawley erich dirt	hawley reich dirt	hawley chit drier
hawley itch drier	hawley itch rider	hawley chit rider	hawley chit rid re	hawley itch rid re
hawley rich tired	hawley rich tried	hawley rich rid et	hawley rich red it	hawley eric third
hawley rice third	widely richter ah	widely richter ha	widely charter hi	widely richer hat
widely archer hit	widely hitch rare	widely hitch rear	widely erich hart	widely reich hart
widely chart heir	widely chart hire	widely chart hi re	widely retch hair	widely chit ah err
widely itch ah err	widely itch ha err	widely chit ha err	widely rich earth	widely rich hater
widely rich heart	widely rich hat re	widely rich her at	widely rich he art	widely rich he rat
widely rich he tar	widely chat hirer	widely chat hi err	widely arch their	widely char their
widely arch hit re	widely char hit re	widely arch her it	widely char her it	widely cart her hi
widely carr hit he	widely carr the hi	widely act herr hi	widely cat herr hi	widely arc hither
widely car hither	widely arc hit her	widely car hit her	warily hitched re	warily ditch here
warily ditch he re	warily hitch deer	warily hitch reed	warily hitch de re	warily hitch ed re
warily ethic herd	warily retch hide	warily retch hi de	warily retch hi ed	warily chit her de
warily itch her de	warily itch her ed	warily chit her ed	warily chit he red	warily itch he red
warily rich the de	warily rich the ed	warily rich he ted	warily etch hired	warily etch hid re
warily etch hi red	warily etch he rid	warily dec hither	warily dec hit her	lawyer thrice hid
lawyer ditch heir	lawyer ditch hire	lawyer ditch hi re	lawyer hitch dire	lawyer hitch reid
lawyer hitch ride	lawyer chit hired	lawyer itch hired	lawyer chit hid re	lawyer itch hid re
lawyer chit hi red	lawyer itch hi red	lawyer chit he rid	lawyer itch he rid	lawyer rich edith
lawyer rich hid et	lawyer rich hit de	lawyer rich hit ed	lawyer rich hi ted	lawyer etch hi rid
leeway rich third	watery child heir	watery child hire	watery child hi re	watery chili herd
watery rich delhi	watery rich hi del	watery rich hi led	watery rich he lid	chewed larry hi it
chewed try hi lair	chewed try hi liar	chewed try hi rail	wretch readily hi	wretch riyadh eli
wretch riyadh lie	wretch hairy idle	wretch hairy lied	wretch hirey dali	wretch hirey dial
wretch hirey laid	wretch daily heir	wretch lydia heir	wretch lydia hire	wretch daily hire
wretch daily hi re	wretch lydia hi re	wretch yield hair	wretch riley hi ad	wretch idly hi are
wretch idly hi ear	wretch idly hi era	wretch idly hi rae	wretch idly ah ire	wretch idly ha ire
wretch idly he air	wretch idly he ira	wretch daly hi ire	wretch lady hi ire	wretch lyra hi die
wretch yale hi rid	wretch lyre hi aid	wretch rely hi aid	wretch rely hi ida	wretch lyre hi ida
wretch yard hi eli	wretch yard hi lie	wretch dyer hi ail	wretch dyer hi ali	wretch airy delhi
wretch airy hi del	wretch airy hi led	wretch airy he lid	wretch year hi lid	wretch hay lid ire
wretch hay eli rid	wretch hay lie rid	wretch hey lid air	wretch hey lid ira	wretch hey ail rid
wretch hey ali rid	wretch lay hid ire	wretch lay hi dire	wretch lay hi reid	wretch lay hi ride
wretch ely hid air	wretch ely hid ira	wretch ely hi arid	wretch ely hi raid	wretch dye hi lair
wretch dye hi liar	wretch dye hi rail	wretch ray hid eli	wretch ray hid lie	wretch ray hi idle
wretch ray hi lied	wretch rye hid ail	wretch rye hid ali	wretch rye hi dali	wretch rye hi dial
wretch rye hi laid	chewer dirtily ah	chewer dirtily ha